There I was, entering the gates of the Osho International Meditation Resort for the first time… barefoot (and without having owned shoes for over a year), wearing a large silver pyramid on my head “to help with my energy”, plus a galore of beads, malas, sacred threads, and showy jewelery, all with their own special significance.

As a friend I soon met commented, I looked like a fucking clown.

I would later realize he was right. But at the time, these props and excessive adornments made me feel like a queen. And I was totally attached to them. I loved looking and feeling a bit different, a bit extravagant, a bit eccentric. If I left the house without them, I didn’t feel like “myself”.

I came to understand that this outward show was an attempt to fill a void of gaping insecurity within.

To some level or another, we are all filled with unnecessary psychological adornments. Whether they were given to us by our parents, our teachers, by the media we consume, or by the social groups we orbit. We have been filled with beliefs and ideas about who we are, what we should do with our lives, what is right and wrong, and what we need to be happy. Who would we be without them?

With these beliefs, we’ve constructed a filter through which we see reality. But we never stop to question if these filters are true or false. We rarely come to doubt the societal norms and family traditions we follow. How do we know the way we see the world is accurate? How do we know the way we live our lives is truly best for us? How do we know who we are beyond the superficial labels we’ve been given?

We don’t.

In the three months following that fateful day on June 5, 2023, I was given an opportunity to doubt these filters and I would come to experience an inner and outer stripping. I lost the pyramid, the threads, the beads, the religious wearing of rings, and I bought shoes again. More significantly, my inner landscape began to undergo a transformation even more dramatic than the visible one.

Many ideas, superstitions, and conditioned beliefs that made up my personality and my view of the world started dissolving. And what couldn’t yet be let go was at least loosened from its ancient hiding place in my subconscious. I was able to confront layers of my mind that I had never been aware of before. And I could see that a real spiritual journey has nothing to do with what you wear, the crystals in your pockets, or even the books you read.

Special stones, pendants, or whether or not you wear shoes will hardly transform you if you can’t watch and understand your own mind. A deep mutation of your being will not occur depending on how much esoteric knowledge you acquire.

An awakening of awareness and intelligence is needed. A cleansing and a resurrection of your childlike innocence and joy.

In this post, I will delve into more of my personal experiences at the Osho International Meditation Resort- and how they continue to act in my life today.

My Experience

During the initial two months of my first stay at the Osho International Meditation Resort, I participated in the “Work As Meditation” program. An intense curriculum that includes at least 6 hours of work within the Meditation Resort from 9am to 4pm, as well as the Osho Evening Meeting Meditation from 6:40pm to 8:30pm.

Members in this program also often participate in Osho Dynamic Meditation from 6am to 7am and Osho Kundalini Meditation from 4:15pm to 5:15pm.

All put together the schedule looks like this:

6am-7am: Dynamic Meditation

Breakfast (Or optional Silent Sitting Meditation or listening to Osho Discourse)

9am-4pm: Work and lunch

4:15pm-5:15pm: Kundalini Meditation

6:40pm-8:30pm: Evening Meeting Meditation

Dinner and Evening Event

From 9:30pm to 11pm every evening there is a rotating event like ecstatic dance, creativity night, funk night, or karaoke. Most evenings, you will find music playing and the chance to celebrate.

Or, if you didn’t get enough meditation during the daytime, night meditations are offered during the high season.

This schedule runs 7 days a week, 365 days a year and there are no “off days” while staying in the Work as Meditation program. As you can see, this offers ample opportunity to dive into yourself through the various meditation techniques, to learn adaptability, resilience, and playfulness, and to bring awareness into your daily work activities.

I wholly immersed myself in this revolutionized world and almost immediately upon arrival felt like I was in exactly the right place.

I met people who became the deepest connections I’ve ever made. United by something more than just a common hobby, we understand the deep journey each other is on. We encourage and remind each other of our purpose for being here; to zoom out and see the bigger picture as much as possible. To remember to be present.

I was deeply struck by the potential an environment like this holds: a cooperative work space with a collective focus on meditation, celebration, and relaxation. Even while sitting at desks in front of computers, the people around me had shining eyes. Not a common sight in your average office.

During my first few times in the Evening Meeting Meditation and listening to Osho’s discourses, I finally felt I’d arrived at the place my soul had been searching for. I felt a profound resonance with what he was saying and like I was falling in tune with everything that couldn’t be said- with the silent space of meditation.

Osho has used the expression “the poverty of language”, and it aptly portrays what it’s like to describe the experience of meditation. Language was not created by those who understood transcendental or mystical experiences so there is a lacking ability to put them into words.

It felt like a flow state. Life had led me to this place so synchronistically, so perfectly. I didn’t know exactly what I was getting myself into coming here, but once I arrived I knew nothing would ever be the same again.

To be at the Osho International Meditation Resort is invigorating, liberating, euphoric, and at times exhausting, terrifying, and extremely emotional to confront so many aspects of oneself usually left hidden.

Yet, a seed was planted in the depths of my being. Through my continued meditation since then, the seed has been growing and growing; overtaking my life and transforming it with each passing day.

A New Beginning

Arriving in India and “meeting Osho” was the beginning of a new life for me, dwarfing everything that I had experienced prior. I discovered the foundation for my life and spiritual seeking that was so desperately needed.

I found a space where all the energies in my being, repressed and otherwise, could find acceptance, expression, and further understanding.

My intellectually seeking mind was satisfied in hearing someone finally speaking words of real clarity and sanity. My joyous, playful, and unbridled wild side found fulfillment through the emphasis on celebration and dance. My inner lover found deep, heartfelt connection. My inner child was validated and healed through the various therapy groups I participated in. And the meditations I practiced each day touched every other part of my being; fanning the flames of my awareness and self-inquiry, and melting it all into oneness and silence…

Since sincerely committing to my meditation practice for the past year, I have seen immense shifts in my perspective on life and how I carry myself through it.

Some of you already know that I struggled immensely growing up. I grappled, many times a losing battle, with anxiety, addictions, depression, insecurity, temper tantrums, fear, hurt, and feeling different and disconnected.

All of these coping mechanisms stemmed from being divorced from my true self in childhood, something we all experience being brought up in such a twisted world. Although some are more sensitive to the distortions.

Through the process of our upbringing (or “down-bringing”), we are inadvertently fed untrue beliefs that inflict traumatic effects upon our innocent minds. “You’re not good enough as you are”, “you should be this, you should be that”, “you’re only lovable if you act or look a certain way”, and if you don’t easily fit into the plastic societal mold: “there’s something wrong with you”. It is devastating, a crime against humanity so gigantic that we don’t even realize it’s happening.

Others may not know the side of me that struggled so much, and it might surprise you. But isn’t it true that we all have a “dark side” full of hidden miseries we don’t openly share? Of course, we are more than our suffering and we have beautiful and loving parts as well. However, I’ve found the practice of radical honesty with myself and others has allowed me to dig into these dysfunctional aspects; finding space and awareness to transform them.

Today, I feel exceptionally lighter, more aware, and present than ever, and have a newfound playfulness about daily life. My ability to accept negative emotions is constantly increasing. I can watch and understand how various patterns of behaviour impact my life and can choose new modes of action.

I feel more able to trust life, to go with the flow, and have faith that everything is happening in the right time. I can face difficult problems I would previously avoid with a learning mind, knowing that there is a creative solution to everything when you can relax.

My experience of life is more rich and fulfilling, and I feel that I’m carving my own unique way of navigating this world.

How Does Meditation Actually Change You?

Through meditation, one becomes more aware of one’s mind and all its desires, motives, triggers, and unconscious habits. Gradually, as awareness flowers within and you can watch yourself closely in daily life, you can make new choices of action and behaviour.

You can deeply watch those moments that trigger you, and instead of immediately reacting like usual, more space and self-awareness takes place. This presents an opportunity to respond instead of reacting and to learn about yourself. You understand the deeply hidden reasons why you feel and act how you do. This fosters a radical self-responsibility as you see the futility of projecting your own hurts and inner conflicts onto others.

Ultimately, no one can hurt you unless you are already carrying past hurts within yourself. It is your responsibility to understand and deal with your own reactivity and unconsciousness.

Osho says that unless you understand the mechanism behind why something happens in you, you can’t go beyond it. So unless we come to understand the reasons hidden deep in our subconscious minds for why we get angry, why we eat, drink, or smoke too much, or why we identify our very self with so many external and transient factors… there is no hope of changing. Luckily, with a sincere interest in meditation, there is an opportunity for a new way of being to emerge.

Osho emphasizes relaxation as one of the first steps on this path of meditation. He states how relaxation and awareness are two sides of the same coin. When you drop your tensions and relax into the present moment, awareness arises. Similarly, when you are aware and present, tensions naturally drop and relaxation arises.

As you start digging all the layers of mud out of your being, the ability to relax and be playful is essential. Otherwise, one will become tense and serious pretty quickly.

It is not an easy job. It takes immense courage to become aware of and accept your shortcomings. But when met with a playful attitude, you can see the humour in your fallibility.

From this space of acceptance, awareness, and relaxation, something new can begin to grow inside of you.

The miracle of meditation acts so subtly and intelligently that before you even notice, your life transforms in a myriad of ways. Although, at other times, the wake-up call can hit you like a truck. A sudden crash of thunder that opens the door to a new perception.

Through remembering how to be in the present moment, here and now, life can reveal its secrets.

I will share an interpretation of this translated poem from one of my last posts that relates to my journey of meditation:

शायद मैं जिंदगी की सहर लेके आ गया
कातिल को आज अपने ही घर लेके आ गया

“Perhaps I have returned to the dawn of life, I invited the murderer into my home.”

In meeting Osho and realizing Meditation as the foundation of my life, I was, in effect, reborn. I returned to the dawn of life. The new understanding that was planted in me signified a radical change. One where the past began to dissolve in the powerful solvent of this newness.

Who is the murderer you ask? The murderer is Osho! The murderer is Meditation! I have invited them in, and they are discontinuing the past from my mind and being. The old ideas, conditionings, traumas, fears, habits, and patterns are melting away through my awareness, understanding, and acceptance of them.

In effect, my old, false self is dying. To make space for what? For whom? Existence only knows…

Conclusion

By no means am I saying I have a perfect understanding of things or my life is all put together and figured out. Sometimes it feels quite the opposite! But in this blog, I took the chance to share the process I am going through.

I still get triggered, I still react, I still go unconscious. But a major shift has happened- I pour as much energy as I can into becoming aware during those moments and uncovering the reasons behind them. I watch myself under a microscope in my daily life. I still cry, I still get angry, I still feel low, just as I also feel excited, joyous, and in awe of life. But I strive to be more and more aware of myself no matter what mood I am in.

Can I feel sad and still remain aware? Can I go to a party and still watch what my mind experiences in that environment? Can I be around my family and witness the patterns of behaviour that come up while I’m around them? Can I take a walk in nature while being completely present with the sounds, the sensations, and the smells of the forest as well as with the consciousness inside of me aware of it all?

Sharing Osho and meditation brings me the most joy, as it has touched the deepest parts of my being. I feel the urgency within myself and the world around me; the overwhelming necessity of change. We need to wake up to greater awareness of the habitual, unconscious ways we conduct ourselves alone and in relationships with others.

I heard this amazing quote once that the critics and rebels are the true optimists in this world, and I could not agree more. I no longer want to remain complacent with the pain and suffering that I experience personally and that we all see and experience on a global scale. I feel a true awakening of meditative consciousness is paramount if we want to discover a way to live harmoniously with intelligence and avoid a third world war.

A problem cannot be solved by the same consciousness that created it. For this reason, to change the world around us we have to look inside ourselves and change the very consciousness perpetuating it.

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Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to be here; I hope you can feel the love expressed through these words. More posts are coming soon that touch on other experiences I had at the Meditation Resort and beyond.

Leave any comments or questions below, I would love to hear from you!

-Olivia (Radha)

Some material used here (images and text excerpts) is Copyright©OSHO International Foundation, www.osho.com/copyrights